Embracing My Introversion

This world is made for extroverts. For people who enjoy people, who gain energy from being around others. Things are also set up for couples or for groups. Not so much for the solo person. There is an inherent assumption that anything that you do outside of your home for fun will involve other people, and businesses are set up to receive you in that way. From discounts to how many people sit together on a rollercoaster; it starts with two.

I like being alone. I’m an introvert. Some people might think this means I don’t like being around other people but that’s not exactly correct. Introverts are selective as to who they spend time around. Even people we like will drain our energy to some degree and we would rather go for quality over quantity. I do thoroughly enjoy good company, deep conversations and new experiences. I just don’t enjoy doing those things with my 50 closest friends.

Peopling is hard and exhausting. Most of life, because of how we have set up society, involves peopling to some degree every time we leave our house. Going to the store involves peopling. Running errands, getting a haircut, picking up food, all involves peopling. Most of these are short interactions or simply being in a location with other people, but to introverts, every part depletes our energy just a bit. This is when being selective comes in.

I will often set up days out so that I can run all my errands and to do’s for the week in a day or two. I know I won’t get much else done those days, especially anything requiring my mental acuity being at full strength. Once I have completed what I need to do, then the rest of the week is to recuperate and enjoy, spending time with the people that matter to me and doing things that make me happy.

Some people might split it out and do one outside thing per day and then for themselves. If you are an introvert, experiment with different versions to find out what works best for you and gives you as much of your week back as possible. It’s never going to be perfect, because we all have outside responsibilities to some degree, but a better balance is possible with some trial and error.

I feel a tinge of sadness for people who chose to go through life believing that they have to wait for someone else before they can do something fun. Or worse, for those who do not think themselves capable of doing things alone.

I like embracing my introversion. Everything I can do with others, I can do alone. I like going to the movies alone. Better yet when I’m the only person there. I don’t mind going out to eat alone though I prefer taking my food home so that I can be more comfortable.

Point being, nothing is stopping you from doing the things you enjoy or trying the things you have been curious about except for yourself. Granted, I know if you’re not used to this, it might feel weird and you might not get the full reward immediately. Try something at least three times to see if it’s just nerves keeping you from enjoying it or if it’s something that just isn’t for you. It’s ok to take time to figure out what works best for you.

For me, going to the movies alone is awesome. Going with people is ok. Going out to eat alone is ok. Taking food with me home is the best. Eating with people falls somewhere in the middle.

I want to encourage you to take yourself on a solo date. Pick something that you like, an event, whatever it may be, and take yourself to it. Treat yourself to some food or drinks. Enjoy your own company.

Sometimes bigger events, like concerts, can make you feel like you need someone to go with but that’s not inherently true. Can it be more fun with people? Absolutely. Can it be horrible because you went with certain people? Absolutely. Like most everything else, it depends on the people you surround yourself with, but you should not be limited by them nor limited by what you can choose to do. And in some cases, even if there are good people to go with, you can elect not to go with them and go solo.

Doing things alone is peaceful because you answer to no one. If I go alone to Barnes and Noble, I can browse for the amount of time that makes me happy. There is no hurry up or wait. Whether I spend 5 minutes or an hour in there, it’s up to me. That helps me, as an introvert, be around other people. I can leave when the situation overwhelms me without making up excuses or needing to explain why. I don’t need permission to go wait outside or sit in the car while other people continue browsing. Nor do I have to feel bad for making anyone leave early.

Of course, one of my favorite things to do is spend an entire day or weekend alone inside, doing hobbies or reading or watching TV or a movie. I can say not a single word the entire day and be perfectly happy. Marvel in the peace and silence or fill it with surround sound adventure. Alone, the choice is mine.

The world can be as big or small as you make it. Don’t wait for others to do the things you love. You are enough as you are, and you can grow and learn what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Architect your own life. What’s the first thing you want to try doing solo?