Treating Myself With Compassion
In a world that rewards the illusion of the hustle, it can be hard to be willing to treat yourself with compassion. I don’t believe in hustle culture. I do believe in working hard for what you want to achieve.
Hustle culture values the idea that if you just put in enough hours, extra points for skipping sleep, then you will achieve what you want. However, that’s a false equivalency. If you work hard at something, you should indeed get better. But sacrificing all aspects of your life, and health, will not get you there, at least not safely. If you have lost everything else around you, including your ability to enjoy your success, what’s the point?
Even if you don’t buy into hustle culture, most of us, me included, are taught to value at least the appearance of being busy. That filling our hours means that our lives have meaning. But that’s not true. In fact, I am starting to think the opposite.
The more we fill our hours with empty busyness, the less value our lives have. Of course, there are things we all must do but I’m talking beyond that. When it goes from being productive at work to pretending to be busy. When it goes from taking a class or two for enrichment to filling each day with several classes for the illusion of betterment.
Like with everything else, there is a balance to it, and I think our job is to try to find that for ourselves. It will look different for everyone and just because something works for me, something else might work for you, and that’s ok. I think it’s important that we remember to treat ourselves with compassion, even more so when we are struggling with something.
One of the things I struggle with is eating. Specifically, how much and when. I have tried being strict, picking specific times throughout the day and only eating then. I have tried to choose specific caloric amounts and spreading it evenly throughout the day. I have tried intermittent fasting, skipping meals and so on.
The thing is, and what I’m learning, is that individually, none of these are inherently bad. But trying to force this each day doesn’t allow me to account for me feeling different each day. Trying to force myself to eat when I don’t feel hungry just to honor a random time past me chose for future me is not good. Denying myself food when I feel really hungry because it’s over the caloric amount for one meal is equally not good.
Treating myself with compassion, in this example, is to honor what my body is saying. If I feel hungry, then I should fuel myself with food. If I don’t feel hungry, push off the meal until I am.
Listening to what my body needs is showing myself compassion. Realizing that not every day will be the same, and honoring what I need each day is ok. I don’t need to criticize myself or tell myself I’m a failure for not following a plan when that plan was contradicting what I actually need. Honoring what I need is self-compassion.
Something else to keep in mind when wondering if something fits into self-compassion is comparing what you are planning to do or say to yourself with what you would say to a friend. If you wouldn’t tell a friend to do something, why would you do it to yourself? If you’re friend told you that they were doing something and you would tell them not to, why would you do the same to yourself?
I think it’s important to try to curb any negative rumination and to try to practice self-compassion instead. Listening to what your body needs when it comes to food and hunger cues is just one tiny example. This can apply to almost anything. Self-talk included.
Talking down to yourself does influence your life quality. You might even start believing those words. I know I have. And it takes a long time to fight back from it. I’ve lost years to negative self-talk and only in the past couple of years have I started fighting back, taking control of my thoughts because ultimately, it’s us who is in control. We don’t have to let our thoughts run rampant.
Even with this knowledge, I will catch myself with negative thoughts about myself. Now I can recognize more when it happens, and make active choices against it, but that feeling of what if that voice is right is still in my mind. I know it will take time to turn it around and that’s another place I am practicing self-compassion. Realizing that sometimes these negative thoughts will still occur and that I’m not a failure for not having “got over it” already and become some positivity beacon.
Humans are complicated. I’m complicated. I’m more than just a single facet and every day I go through many emotions, good and bad. I’m sure you know the feeling. I can have a great morning and a crappy afternoon. I can have an entirely bad day. I can have a great day. I can have any mix of emotions, and I can view each day in any way that I want but I also have the power to reframe my thoughts. To realize that my negative self-talk isn’t real, to choose to speak nicer to myself. To believe I’m worthy of kindness. And it starts with me.
It takes time to learn a new skill and self-compassion is just that, a skill. Don’t give up if it seems hard or if you feel like you are failing at it. You are worthy of kindness and that kindness starts with you.
In what way are you going to show yourself compassion first?
