You Are Not Behind: Rethinking Timelines and “Success”
As a woman in my thirties, I have felt behind for most of my life because it hasn’t looked like the traditional model of success. I went to university and graduated with degrees but beyond that, my life hasn’t taken the advertised trajectory. I didn’t get a job that I worked my way up in over the past decade, culminating in a super fancy title. I didn’t have long-term relationships that resulted in marriage and then 2.5 children and the white picket fence. This dream, that is pushed on most of us by society, has never been one that I resonated with.
This social construct is a mirage. Very few people achieve it and less than that are happy with it. Even though my family never pushed it, I can’t help but feel the sting of it throughout my life. I also feel that it has contributed to my choices, trying to fit into a mold that was never meant for me. If anything, I feel like those choices that I made, for that reason, are what have kept me further from what I am truly meant to do. As a result, I constantly feel like I am behind, not just regarding the social construct but in achieving my goals and dreams.
Everyone has a different life path and the truth is, a larger portion than we know are miserable in their lives, even if they look good on paper. There are people that bought into the illusion of a clear path, only to realize a decade later that nothing they have is what they want. Life shouldn’t be about following a checklist created by someone else, checking off life achievements like it’s a game. Life is nebulous and regardless of your personal beliefs, this is it. This is the only life as you are now. Why shouldn’t we make the most of the time that we have on this Earth? Probably because society has always needed most people to be compliant. To follow orders and maintain the status quo. But some of us, in fact most of us, are not meant for that road. While our paths may be different, not being like everyone else or not having achieved the checklist is not a failure, and we need to stop viewing it as such.
The first step to redefining success on your own terms is to take a step back and really take a look at where you are right now. List all the things that you have. List all the things that you don’t have but think that you should. List all the dreams and goals that you used to have, or still do. Leave those lists for a moment and then come back to them in a few days. Then, really look at those lists and start circling only the parts that make your heart happy, no matter what list they are on. Once you are done, see where those circles are, what lists they are on and start making a plan to achieve them, letting go of everything else. This might mean making small changes or it might mean making radical changes. If you are overwhelmed, break down your goals into smaller and smaller steps, until they feel achievable. Don’t clutter your life with someone else’s dreams.
No matter your age, it’s not too late to start defining success on your own terms. Life is more than just titles and timelines. It’s about health and joy and purpose and passion. And no matter who you are, growth is never ever linear, and you are never done discovering who you are, and that’s beautiful.
Do not fear the change that is about to come. It’s hard. There will be tears. Letting go feels impossible at times. But growth only happens when you become radically honest with yourself about who you are and who you want to be. It’s not too late, you are not too old or too this or that. Your life is your own, your path is your own. Look at this as a lesson to be learned rather than a failure. Trust your own timing.
What would your life look like if you stopped comparing it to everyone else’s?
