Can You Ever Escape Who You Were?

Not too long ago, I was watching the film Love Hurts. This is not a review of the movie itself but rather an exploration of a theme that hit me strongly. Namely, can you ever escape who you were and become you were meant to be? Please note that there might be spoilers below of the film so continue reading at your own risk.

As we grow up, we begin to learn who we are. We might try on different hats to see which ones fit us best. In this process, the people around us will see different versions of ourselves. Those closest to us might be able to see beyond what we show but very often, people only know one version of you. And when that version changes, and you grow as a person, then sometimes people around us are unable to accept the new version of us. They will even, sometimes, go as far as to tell us that we are no longer true to ourselves, that we’ve changed, that what we’re doing is bad.

In truth, what you are most likely doing is growing as a person, becoming the best version of yourself. This version might not be compatible with their view of you or who they want you to be. Only you know if you are truly growing or hiding yourself, no matter what anyone else might say.

In the film Love Hurts, Marvin Gable used to be the hitman for his gangster boss brother, Knuckles. Marvin then escapes that life and becomes a successful real estate agent, loving his very normal life. This is turned upside down when Rose returns, someone Marvin was supposed to kill but couldn’t because he loves her. Hijinks ensue, as is normal with an action comedy, but what struck me here is the theme that Marvin is essentially exploring.

Marvin became a hitman to please his brother, and because he was good at it. He became a monster but, according to him, his true self is actually the affable real estate agent, living a small and happy life, bringing joy to others looking for their forever homes.

The idea here is that external forces, in this case Knuckles, forced a person, in this case Marvin, to fit into a convenient box. I do feel like this is often the case in real life too. Of course, less drastically so but the same idea can be applied to parents and other family members, as well as friends, who always seem to want to place us in boxes that suit them, without regard for where we as individuals would like to be. Most of these people will be well-meaning but a cage is still a cage, even if the jailer is nice and well-meaning.

Marvin’s past comes back to haunt him, in a literal sense, when Rose returns, and other people start chasing after him on behalf of Knuckles. I think this can also be often true for us regular people too. We all make mistakes, and with social media it’s harder than ever to move away from something you may have said many years ago, that no longer represents who you are. Even so, people insist on vilifying you for it, even when they can see that it’s no longer who you are.

In Marvin’s case, he runs away and reinvents himself but for most of us, that’s not possible. We must face our lives as they are, including the people that are around us. I think running away and starting over might be easier than facing your past and owning it, warts and all, and standing strong in the change you have brought on for yourself in the face of doubters. But I do think you can reinvent yourself without running away.

This might mean that some people become uncomfortable but rather than lowering yourself to meet their expectations, show them who you are and then let them show you, with their actions, how they really feel about you. True friends and family might take time to adjust, that’s fine, but they will love you and want the best for you, even if they don’t understand. Toxic friends and family will constantly try to belittle you, tempt you, and in other ways bring you back down to where you were and who they think you should be. Cut them off. They might not be meant to be in your new life.

Marvin gets a second chance at love with Rose, ultimately bringing together his past and his present, who he was made to be and who he really is. People make mistakes. A second chance is worthy of being given, both to you and by you, but ultimately I don’t think you can escape who you were. I think that you must own who you were in your journey to become who you want to be.

Would you rather escape who you were or face it head-on as you become who you want to be?