Overcoming Obstacles and Setbacks

Inherent in living is an ebb and flow of successes and setbacks. Obstacles will be put in your path, and they will be removed from your path. Every choice that we make has an impact on what happens in our lives and sometimes the choices of others will affect our own life in ways that we couldn’t imagine.

I had a great job that was going well. Things had been a bit muddled, but we had a great trajectory and infinite possibilities. This was going to be my career job, the one that would lift me up. It would be my legacy, and it would enable me to do everything that I had dreamt of.

And then, the day after the anniversary of my mom’s death, I was fired. I received nothing that I was promised, and I felt blamed in the severance letter. Only later did I find out that this had nothing to do with me, nor the company itself.

That didn’t stop the tears that day. That didn’t stop the soul crushing weight of how I was going to pay my bills, what I was going to do next. The timing was awful as I was already emotional, and I felt like a hammer had been brought down. I felt betrayed and alone.

I had already taken a pay cut to join this company so my expenses were already extremely low but I still needed help from my family to make it through. I am lucky that I had such help, and I fully recognize the privilege in that.

I spent time mourning what could have been. Even if something isn’t a literal death, the death of an idea or a hope or a dream can be just as painful. And just like when someone you love dies, you need to take time to mourn what could have been. I allowed myself that time and I think that it helped me move forward with less anger and less confusion.

With the support of my loved ones, I began setting new goals for myself. I decided to start my own company. This website is the beginning steps of what I hope to grow into something bigger, into a community of positivity for everyone who comes here.

I realized that I didn’t want to continue fighting for other people’s dreams. I wanted to fight for my own. I could wallow in self-pity or I could begin to take steps to make my own dreams a reality. This mindset shift is a key component of any situation when you need to overcome a setback. Mourn, take time to move through the emotions of the situation, and then create a goal for yourself, break it down, and start working toward it.

I am still deep in the trenches of working toward my goals. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and difficult and I wonder why I’m doing this. But I remind myself that it will be worth it, that the current journey, as it stands, is worth it. Because I’m walking my own path, creating my own future.

Even so, self-compassion is paramount to get yourself through the hard times that will inevitably come again and again in life. It’s a muscle that can be built up so that each time you need to use it, you get there just a little bit quicker and can start just a little bit ahead of where you were the time before.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Cliché saying we are all familiar with but one that also holds true, even more so in situations like this. I know some people want to say that such things are easier said than done. And they aren’t incorrect, but such a thought is incomplete, as it’s missing the nuance.

While our physical situations may be different, and some might indeed be more difficult than others, we all have the same capacity to control and change how we view each situation. Everything starts from within. And if you control nothing else in your situation, work on building up yourself from the inside out. Focus on what you can control, and that starts within.

As you work through your own setbacks and obstacles, use the opportunity to practice and evolve your problem-solving skills. See the positive in the situation. Turn it around, even if only mentally. Embrace flexibility when it comes to your next steps. Don’t keep doing the same thing repeatedly. See how you can make the situation work for you. Take that chance you have been afraid of taking. Expand your own worldview of what is possible.

I know that for myself, I will often get caught up in the minutiae of things. There is always so much to do, it feels like a never-ending to-do list. One thing that I’m working on, and I encourage you to do the same, is to celebrate the small wins. Take a moment and see how far you’ve come. Buy yourself a little treat, take yourself out to dinner, take a day off from working hard and watch your favorite movies or shows, spend the day at the spa or walking through the forest, whatever it is that makes you happy, do that.

Decide for yourself the intervals but make sure to keep those intervals small so you have something to look forward to, and so that you can take a moment to see how much further you have gone, even if it’s just a few steps.

The small wins matter, maybe even more than the big wins, because it’s the small wins that get you there in the end.

How have you overcome an obstacle or a setback in your life recently?