Reframing Negative Thoughts

We all have negative thoughts to some degree. It’s inevitable in life to be faced with them but it’s how you react to them that matters.

I’m prone to catastrophizing. This, for me, creates a cognitive distortion, where I will play out the absolute worst-case scenarios to the point that I start believing that they are the only outcomes possible.

Catastrophizing isn’t just limited to big things. For me, it can be as small as if I wear this dress today, and the interviewer at the job doesn’t like it, then I won’t get this job and if I don’t get this job then I’m a failure and I can’t pay my bills and then I will have no home and I will be forced to mooch of friends and then what’s the point in anything anymore.

As you can see, this is a ridiculous line of thinking but at the same time, my brain finds it to be perfectly reasonable while simultaneously agreeing with me that it’s ridiculous.

For me, negative thoughts affect everything in my life. They have kept me from socializing and meeting new people because I was scared they wouldn’t like me. They have kept me from studying new things or taking a new class because I was afraid other people would think I was an idiot for trying. They kept me from exercising because I thought I would look dumb since I wasn’t as fit as everyone else. And they have kept me from happiness by making me a part-time prisoner in my own mind.

Now, I’m working on challenging those negative thoughts because one thing I found in common with all of those thoughts is that I was afraid of what other people might think or do. But why should I care? So what if someone makes fun of me for not keeping up with everyone in class. That really says more about them, in feeling the need to take me down, than me, who is trying to lift myself up.

It’s important to observe and acknowledge your thoughts and then actively reframe them. This takes practice and time. It’s taken me years to get to where I am today and I’m still not perfect at it. The truth is, I never will be, and neither will you, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s progress. It’s recognizing your own trigger situations or events and then working your way out of them. More importantly, show yourself self-compassion and recognize that small steps forward will accumulate.

I still get stuck in ruts where I will negatively frame everything in my mind as I overthink situations, which then leads to catastrophizing. One of the first things that I do when this happens is to take a step back and recognize the situation for what it is and remove myself from it. Then I will address my thoughts and actively question why I’m thinking this way.

Maybe a friend canceled a dinner date that I had been looking forward to because they aren’t feeling well. A normal reaction is to show concern and reschedule and then think nothing of it. I, however, will overthink the situation and think this friend doesn’t want to hang out with me, that they found something better to do, that they would rather be home than to see me, to be seen with me, and so on. None of this is logical and yet this is where my brain goes naturally.

Instead of letting it overwhelm me, I take the situation and visualize a positive outcome. My friend really is sick, I genuinely hope they get better, I update my calendar with the new date, and I remain excited to see them when they feel better. It’s hard, I’m not perfect at it, but I’m trying, and that counts.

In the beginning, sometimes it will take someone else pointing this out to you. I’m sure you will be defensive at first, as I was, because it’s hard to hear but it’s the first step of being able to reframe negative thoughts so that they no longer have a chokehold on who you are or what you decide to do. It will free you up to live your life in a way that makes you happy.

Celebrate small wins because it will help enforce positive over negative thoughts. Use someone as a sounding board to see if you are being reasonable or not. Be mindful though, you need to trust yourself. Use writing or painting, or another creative outlet, as an emotional release. Put that sadness or anger or frustration on the page and let it out of your mind. When you’re in the moment, and maybe at work or running errands, use slow and steady breathing to combat the anxiety in the moment.

Something I’ve recently learned about is the Socratic Method. It’s basically a question-and-answer session with yourself.

The first step is to question your assumptions about the situation at hand. For example, when faced with something new, I tell myself I will fail and therefore I don’t try it at all. But is that really true? To combat this, I would think of instances where I have succeeded in showing that the belief I’m holding about myself is a lie.

Then I would explore the consequences. What does holding the belief that I will always fail do? Does it change my mood or behavior? Does it make me more timid? In telling myself I will fail, I’m holding myself back. I’m hurting myself without even realizing it.

Subsequently, I would consider alternatives. What would someone else say to me? Would I say this to a close friend? If the answer is no, then why in the world would you tell yourself something like this. I can also ask if there are other explanations possible for my experience. Did I fail something, like an exam, because I wasn’t prepared? If I had prepared properly, would I then have passed, negating my own negative self-belief? Did it become a self-fulfilling prophecy because I was too scared to study in case I failed and if I didn’t study and still failed it would somehow be better?

And finally, there is the reframing of the thought. The goal is to get a more balanced view, a more constructive way to think about this. I failed the test, not because I always fail, but because I didn’t put in effort in studying. I can now put effort in, retake the test, and pass it.

Reframing negative thoughts means allowing for more nuance in your way of thinking. To see things beyond black and white. As with everything, it takes time and consistent practice. But I can say from experience, that while I still have plenty of negative thoughts, I can now step out of the spiral much easier and quicker than I could even a year ago. I hope that in another year, I will be even better at it.

Do you have a persistent negative thought? If so, what is a way that you could reframe it for yourself in a more positive way?