Quality Time vs. Social Clutter
In a world of social clutter, finding quality time can seem nearly impossible. Everyone seems so stuck on the superficial. No one seems to have time to have a deep conversation, to truly get to know another person. People often ask how someone can feel lonely when surrounded by people but the truth is, it’s not the amount of people around you that matters but rather the quality of your relationships with them.
Attending events that are geared toward small talk doesn’t allow much time for a real connection and rarely includes a genuine follow up. Networking events come to mind as an example. You might need to attend those but don’t mistake these events, especially as frequent as they can be, with real connections. You might know of a lot of people, have shaken a lot of hands, but none of those people are your friends, nor are they people that will be there for you when you really need someone to lean on.
Going to an event because you fear missing out on something, even if the event doesn’t align with your interest, is a waste of time. You end up feeling unfulfilled doing something you aren’t interested in with people you barely know. This also applies to large parties or community events. Endless group activities don’t allow for a chance at cultivating a meaningful connection. Unless you make active choices to get to know people, you will be stuck with a gluttony of superficial friendships. People you can call for a fun night out, not the people who will help you move, or give you shoulder to cry on after a tragedy.
I will also add that social media will sometimes fall into the category of social clutter as well. It can be hard to create a meaningful connection with someone through surface level conversations or comments. Same with group chats. A lot of the times all they are are casual banter or they are filled with meme after meme but no actual meaningful conversation. You might be talking with people all day long and yet feel unfulfilled and alone at the end of the day because there was no depth or breadth of feeling in those interactions.
Quality time is spending time one-on-one with someone, or maybe in a small group. Heartfelt and deep conversations are at the heart of quality time. Asking each other questions and actually listening to the answers. Talking about your dreams and fears. Your hopes and failures. Opening up a different layer of yourself and being willing and able to receive the same from another person. This creates and deepens a connection. This is the person you can count on when things go south in your life. To have your back when no one else does. Maybe this is just one or two people in your life. But one or two people that you have a deep relationship with, in my opinion, beats having a 100 superficial friends who, at the end of the day, know next to nothing about the person you really are.
Quality time isn’t just having deep conversations all the time, it’s also about doing activities together that you enjoy. Maybe you enjoy cooking together or going hiking together outdoors. Maybe it’s reading and discussing a book together or having a tech free game night. Doing what you both enjoy, away from distractions, is quality time and that will deepen your bond.
If the majority of your interactions fall in the social clutter category, and you are confused as to why you feel lonely and disconnected even when surrounded by people, well, there is your answer. When you have no one around to have deep and meaningful conversations with, no deep bonds, having all the people in the world around you won’t change that.
Having people in your life, even if just one or two, that you can spend quality time with is infinitely more valuable than having countless superficial friends. Being able to get things off your chest, and have someone listen and hear you, allows you to realize that you are not alone and that what you are going through matters.
Social clutter has its place in our world and there are some superficial gatherings that you cannot get out of, such as family obligations or work social gatherings. However, in a world that seems to prioritize social clutter, make an effort to prioritize quality time.
Schedule a sit-down family dinner without phones or the TV. Spend that time talking to each other, finding out the good and bad parts of each other’s day. There is plenty of time for phones and TV and such things after dinner but that 30 minutes or an hour, most days of the week, provides for amazing quality time and enables and enhances your bonds.
Spend time with friends doing what you love. Go to a dinner together, have a game night, do an escape room, go axe throwing, paint ceramics, the possibilities are endless. One-on-one time together doing something that is fun for you both, something you both like, or something brand new that you have been curious about are all excellent ways to spend quality time together.
Be mindful though, one-on-one is by far the best way, but a small group of maybe 2 or 3 total people can still be quality time. As soon as you expand the group, even if you are genuinely close to all the people involved, it goes from being quality time to being social clutter time.
Quality time isn’t only about deepening your bond with someone else, but it can also be thought of as self-care. You are as much benefitting from having someone like that in your life that you can open up to, get advice from, as the other person is. Knowing you are not alone, no matter what you are going through, contributes to your overall mental well-being.
While we cannot avoid social clutter all the time, prioritizing quality time will increase our mental well-being. Building bonds takes time but it’s well worth the effort and the rewards are tenfold to what you put in to get there.
What is your favorite way to spend quality time together with someone?
