It’s Never Too Late to Start Over

Sometimes everything looks great from the outside, but inside, we are dying. We become people that “look good on paper.” We have checked all the boxes; we are living a life that other people envy. We have reached the pinnacle of success in our field. And yet, we feel like we are trapped in a cage, screaming but no sound is coming out. We know we need to make a change, but we feel trapped by other people’s opinions of us. We are terrified — what if this is as good as it gets, and by blowing up our life, we become destitute? The truth is, sometimes you have to let go of absolutely everything to find your way back to who you really are and what really makes you happy.

In Eat Pray Love, Liz has a life in which she participated in every decision that has brought her to this moment. On paper, she has money, a career, a beautiful house. However, she is married to a man who cannot stick with anything — no job or idea. Every time she talks about her job or what she is excited about, her husband turns it to himself and what he wants to do. She feels unsupported. She feels unfulfilled. She questions whether she really wanted any of this and tells him she wants a divorce. She tries to find her footing, but ultimately, she decides to leave everything behind for one year, traveling to Italy, India and Bali to rediscover herself and her appetite for life.

Our society tells us that we must have things checked off in a certain way by a certain time: find a relationship, get married, build a career, have kids, wait to retire, and then enjoy your life. However, life doesn’t work in that way, and even if those things are your dream, life is never, ever that direct and linear. In fact, you don’t even know how much time you have. Why wait to live the life you want? Why check off other people’s boxes? If you don’t figure out what you want out of life, you will be stuck living it by someone else’s metrics.

The truth is, starting over isn’t failing, it’s wisdom. It’s you, making a conscious choice to realign yourself with yourself, knowing that something must shift in your life. At the end of the day, age is just a number. So long as you are alive, you can make different choices today than you did yesterday. There is no such thing as perfect timing, if you wait for it, you will be waiting forever.

Liz left everything behind, moving across the world. That isn’t feasible for most of us. What you can do is to start rewriting your story, one step at a time. End a relationship (romantic or otherwise), go back to school, quit that job, get that job, start taking your health seriously, travel, take up a new hobby. Start listening to what you really want instead of what everyone else tells you you want. Know that you are allowed to want something different than what you’ve always wanted or had.

To start, make a list of your dreams and wishes. Do not hold back. Word vomit on the page — past dreams, current dreams, things that seem impossible and far off. Write it all down. This isn’t about money or logic or practicality. Leave it for a few days and then go back and read through the list slowly. Which options make your soul sing, your heart flutter? Start with those. Recommit to yourself. Realign to your goals. Say yes to the thing you have been putting off for years.

Don’t wait for a crisis to change. Take charge now of making the path you are on the one you want to walk. It’s never too late to begin again. It’s never too late to change course and go forth on your own terms.

If you gave yourself full permission to start over, to change your path, what path would you choose next?