Balancing Social Life with Self-Discovery
We all wear many hats in our day-to-day lives. Who you are in a social context and who you are as an individual may not be quite the same thing. This is because sometimes social roles and identities can overshadow your personal identity.
What I mean by this is that instead of people seeing you as the nuanced individual you really are, a person that can hold many incongruent thoughts, you are reduced to a singular facet, perhaps as the caregiver, or the daredevil, or the listener.
When you are reduced to a single facet by others, and you act outside of your given social parameters, then people will believe that you are inauthentic, or worse, a liar. When the listener doesn’t listen, she is rude. When the caregiver puts himself first, he is selfish. When the daredevil is cautious, she’s lost her mojo.
In our busy world, it’s easy to forget that you are a nuanced individual. Sometimes we get so caught up in our labels that we believe that’s all we are. And that becomes what we strive to be, even if that’s just a single facet. By overemphasizing a single facet, to the detriment of the rest of you, you will end up feeling empty, alone, and in some cases, it may lead to depression and anxiety as well.
This is why it’s important to take the time to get to know yourself regularly. Why regularly? Because who you are today is not the same person you were 6 months ago, let alone 5 years ago. Knowing yourself is a constant exercise, one well worth doing in order to live a full and rounded life.
To get to know yourself, you must begin by getting comfortable in solitude. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. Here, you are electing to be alone to allow for the self-reflection needed so that you can grow as a person.
This will come in different formats depending on what your life allows. Maybe this means taking a day off from work to self-reflect. Maybe it means going away by yourself for the weekend. Maybe it means taking an hour a day to be alone.
Do a monthly review of what worked and what didn’t, what you discovered about yourself. Figure out what works for you, and your schedule, and take the time to get to know yourself.
When you work on getting to know yourself, you will also be able to evaluate, or reevaluate, your personal goals, your values and your aspirations. This will allow you to better connect to yourself. With that knowledge, you can practice it in your daily life, saying no to the things that don’t serve you and realizing that you are not missing out on anything by not saying yes to everything.
As you get to know yourself, and become more comfortable being open about every facet, you will start to see friends and family as either uplifting or draining. Hopefully, most people will fall into the uplifting category but it’s almost inevitable that some will fall in the draining category.
For those people, take a harsh look at your relationship and where it stands, and why it’s there in the first place. Is it a friend you’ve had for a long time that you keep out of nostalgia but in reality you’ve grown apart? Is it a family member who is struggling with mental health and wants everyone to be at the bottom with them?
While the situations can vary, you are empowered to reevaluate their position in your life and how much you interact with them. Do not give time to people who choose not to support you. Find the right social circle that encourages you and believes in you. And be that person for them.
And I’m not talking about just giving or receiving blind support but rather constructive encouragement. Do not be afraid to share your honest thoughts, even if they are harsh, but realize that after sharing them, your role is to support or to step aside. You cannot make decisions for other people; you can only be there for them in a way that they are ready to receive.
Learn about who you are from your own social interactions. Figure out what kind of events drain you and what events energize you. It can be difficult to resist and stand firm in who you are when navigating social norms and social pressures as they are designed to influence your personal choices.
Finding a balance between getting to know yourself and your social obligations and identity can be hard, but it will be rewarding. Not just for yourself but for all those around you who support you and want to see each facet of you instead of those who want you to remain in a single identity box.
Remember to limit social media and mindless scrolling. What you see online is never real life, not even close. It’s always a curated version of reality and while it can be inspiring sometimes, most of the time you end up comparing yourself to a person, an idea or an identity that doesn’t really exist.
Like you, those curated cardboard cutouts are also people with many facets, some of which they would rather not let you see. Not because they are bad, but because they are ashamed of being anything but that identity in a box. Don’t be that person. Embrace all of yourself, the bad and the good.
How do you currently balance your social life with self-discovery?
