Getting Outside of Your Comfort Zone
As I sat on my flight back stateside, I was browsing the movies and saw that Yes Man was on there. It’s an old Jim Carrey movie, which I had seen before, but it had been a while. I decided to watch it, and it inspired this noodling of thoughts in my head.
Yes Man is about Carl, who says no to absolutely everything. His no spree culminates in him missing his best friend’s engagement party. This triggers a dream where Carl is dead and found by his friends. This seems to shake something loose in him, because he attends a seminar that is all about saying yes to everything. At first, he says no, but then, after feeling particularly called out, says yes in the moment. He makes a promise to himself. Of course, this resolve is tested immediately when a seemingly homeless guy asks him for a ride, then to borrow his phone, and then for money — all of which Carl says yes to. All of this starts a chain reaction, but this is the part that I want to hone in on.
It got me thinking about how most of us, including me, are so used to saying no that saying yes to something feels scary. We are comfortable in our comfort zones. Stepping outside of it is unnecessary, so we end up spending our lives in a cocoon of safety — or so we think. What we’re really doing is not living. We are actively choosing to not grow when we stay inside our comfort zones.
One formative experience I had with stepping outside my comfort zone was many years ago, as I was looking for a local gym. At one of them, the guy showing me around was cute, and as I was walking to my car, I wondered if I should have given him my number. Normally, I never would have, but that day something compelled me to walk back inside and give him my number. Nothing ever came of it — he never called — he was simply selling his product to me. And honestly, he is the least important part of this story. Because what happened was that for the rest of that day, for the rest of the week, I felt like a different person. I felt strong, and seen, and attractive, and capable. It was all because I had dared to do something that I thought impossible. And even now, years and years later, I still remember that feeling.
So why is it that even with this experience, I don’t chase the high of stepping outside my comfort zone more? I honestly think it’s simply because I, and we as people, are inherently inert when it comes to creating moments like this. It’s scary — sometimes legitimately so (for example, base jumping) — but the truth is that growth happens outside of our comfort zone. When you say no too much, you lose out on opportunities. No becomes a default. Saying yes becomes hard. And while I’m not recommending going the route of Carl and saying yes to everything, I do think that we all could benefit from challenging ourselves to say yes to more things that scare us.
If saying yes scares you, start small. Say yes to a new food, or a new route home. Say yes to an invitation to dinner or to a work gathering. Then, build up to the things that you really want. Or go big from the beginning. Quit your job, become a digital nomad, and travel the world for a year. Whatever feels right for you. You have to find your own way, just as I must find my own way. I’m not saying it will be easy, but it will be worth it.
Tomorrow, go outside of your comfort zone and try something new. What’s your first step?
