The Restorative Power of Solitary Pursuits
Chances are, no matter what kind of a personality you have, you have to deal with people on a fairly regular basis. Some people are able to avoid people more than others, and thanks to the internet it’s easier than ever, but there’s a good chance that you will, for example, decide to go through a drive through to get food or hop into a store to grab something real quick.
Now, if you’re an extrovert, maybe these interactions, whether large or small, don’t really faze you. That’s wonderful. But for us introverts, they can be anywhere from just somewhat draining to extremely challenging. You see, while extroverts get more excited being around people, introverts get exhausted. Extroverts get recharged by people, while the battery of introverts gets depleted. And regardless of where you fall on the introvert/extrovert spectrum, sometimes peopling is just hard.
When I’m hanging out one on one with a good friend, or spending time with my partner, I thoroughly enjoy it. However, that doesn’t mean that my battery isn’t being depleted. Sometimes, being with people is about compromising in what you are doing. Not always doing exactly what you want, or taking turns getting what you want.
While fair, it’s important to have other avenues to explore for yourself so that you can replenish your battery in a manner that best fits you. If you always compromise, and never do for yourself, you chance losing yourself a bit in the mix. Are you doing a thing that you want, or are taught to want it, or worse, settle for wanting it?
In all types of relationships, compromise is key (whatever form that takes for you) but what’s often forgotten about is balance. The balance between spending time with the people that are important to you and honoring what they want to do, while also doing what you want to do and what you need to do for yourself so you are not running on empty most of the time.
This is where doing things alone comes into play. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes, we all have various responsibilities, but everyone can do something. If this isn’t something you’ve thought about before, or it’s been a long time, give yourself grace and time to figure out what this looks like for you. Experiment and see what replenishes you versus what drains you.
For me, it will often take the form of a solo drive. The length of time isn’t so important, it can be as short as 30 minutes or take a couple of hours. It’s about being by myself, answering to no one but me. It allows me to gather my thoughts, process, or just have fun. Sometimes the drive is silent, sometimes I blast music, sometimes I listen to an audiobook. Sometimes I have a location I’m going to (like a bookstore), and sometimes it’s just a country drive that I like because it makes me smile.
Sometimes I just want escapism and don’t feel like driving, so I take myself to the movies. I know many people find it awkward, but I love going to the movies, even more so if I’m the only one there. I know I know, that goes against common knowledge and as a lover of movies, I technically want as many people to go to the movies as possible, but as an introvert, I love being by myself and watching the big screen. Major plus if the movie is actually good too.
I look forward to the parts of the day where I’m home by myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my family. It just means I also love my alone time. In balancing both, I’m honoring both them and myself by doing the best that I can, to be the best version of me. This way I can show up for them, and myself, in the best way possible.
Another thing that I love doing is going on trips by myself. Both domestic and international. Going on a trip alone is a really great way to explore who you are. It can be small, like a weekend getaway to the next town, an overnight trip where you live, a short roadtrip for a few days or a couple of weeks in a country you’ve never been to.
Does that sound scary? To me, it sounds awesome! I have done my fair share of traveling and the majority of it has been by myself. Not necessarily because I wanted to go alone but because no one could go with me and I didn’t want to wait for other people to get their crap together and miss out on adventure. If you sit around waiting for other people to give you permission to take part in your own life, you will be waiting for a long time.
I don’t want other people’s choices holding me back nor do I want to hold anyone back in that manner. Whether you wing it or plan in detail, taking a trip of some sort forces you to learn how to rely on yourself. You cannot have someone else ask the questions for you, handle the issues for you. You have no choice but to figure it out and do the work yourself. It’s terrifying and exhilarating, annoying and beautiful, frustrating and fascinating, and it can make you feel so good at the end of the day. It can also make you cry. That’s okay.
Ultimately, pursuing experiences on your own can be restorative and help you get in touch with who you are and what you enjoy. It can also teach you what you don’t want, which is equally important. This knowledge can also help you to better compromise and understand the people in your life. Everyone has their own story, their own unique viewpoint, as valid as your own.
Balancing yourself and your need for solitude with spending time with the people that you love is a lifelong journey but it’s one worth taking. What will be your first step to solo experiences and the restorative power that can come with it?
